Maybe someone's trying to tell me something....

...like.....you could look worse. And it's true.


About 6 days after Oliver was born I was brushing my teeth- it felt weird & then I tried swishing Listerine around in my mouth--it didn't work, so I looked in the mirror trying to figure it out & smiled (apparently I don't look in the mirror and smile a whole lot)....then I FREAKED out.  Half of my face just didn't work, one side of my smile smiled, the other sided didn't move.  I went and got Elias and proceeded to have a breakdown, to say the least.  We Googled the symptoms & discovered that I most likely wasn't having a stroke.  Elias gave me a blessing and I was able to calm down enough to get a little sleep.  First thing the next morning I called Mom and proceeded to freak out everyone else, then headed to the ER.  They were quick to diagnose me with Bell's Palsy..the nurse even knew right away what was going on and reassured me that it wasn't uncommon :).  They did a lot of blood work and sent me to get a CT Scan (my first ever) in which everything looked normal (thank goodness).  They prescribed steroids & told me it would clear up on it's own.  


So the next 4-5 weeks I walked around looking like a crazy person, trying not to smile to big...because it just wasn't pretty.  Here's a tiny picture to prove it (I'm being very brave sharing this) In the picture I'm just smiling--not winking. 


The worst parts...having to tape my eye shut every night because it wouldn't close on it's own... especially annoying when you have to get up and nurse in the middle of the night,  not being able to drink anything without dribbling it down the front of me & using a straw was near impossible, and not being able to get my mouth open wide enough to even get around a sandwich---and a slew of other eating "difficulties"...it was just not fun.


But it wasn't over...


Just as the Bell's Palsy was clearing up...my opposite eye got a huge sty...larger than any sty I had ever seen.  My entire lid swelled up to at least twice it's side and was a lovely shade of reddish-purple.  It was lovely.  It was disgusting.  And it hurt.  I had to go to ready care to get antibiotics to get rid of it.


So the lesson learned...


I've never thought of myself as pretty. ever. It's something I'm working on & it's not easy. But it could be worse, much worse.  I need to remember that in the scheme of things it doesn't matter what I look like--my Father in Heaven loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, My husband & kids love me and think I'm beautiful, my family loves me and thinks I'm beautiful...I just need to catch up with their way of thinking.  And if I'm ever feeling especially not pretty--I can remember the last month and a half & take a look at that picture :)